Ramblings

Death is a funny thing. Not humorous in any way, but it’s strange that you can swear up and down that you won’t ever get over someone’s death and yet, years later you find that you’ve found a way to go about day to day things without much complication. 

Two years ago tomorrow I received a phone call I hadn’t ever dreamed of getting. A cousin I had grown up with tragically fell victim to an avalanche in Colorado while on his annual snowmobile trip out there. Of course, in recent years, we hadn’t been exceptionally close or anything but our family was close and we saw each other in passing fairly often. 

Now having to overcome something like that seemed impossible when reminders were everywhere; people, places, things. But here we are, two years later. 

In the wake of the recent hit and run tragedy that claimed the life of a 21 year old, I feel myself thinking of Josh a lot. I know he’s likely causing ruckus wherever he’s at but never too busy to look after those he loved most. And may the family of Jacob’s find comfort in their memories during this great time of grief. 

Ride high my cousin-ride high.

Snowflakes 

Whisper my name –

A last wish, one of the same. 

Our boots are a single pair,

one set meant for two to share. 

Each tree, stumble, and tear 

The very essence of this affair –

What we cannot see gives us light;

a promise of a new day’s delight. 

May you whisper my name,

as I call snowflakes to me in pain. 

Happy February!

My gosh, where has January gone?! 

It’s weird to think we are already a month into the new year, a month closer to my son’s first birthday, spring, summer, and getting an agent to publish the first of my Mask Trilogy. It’s strange to think that these years go by far too quickly and we are all too busy to really stop and enjoy the simplicity of things around us. The same things that we see daily and take advantage of. 

The same things that some day, we never see again. 

So yes, our state will be dumped on in the form of heavy, blowing snow, but why not enjoy the beauty in it? Sure, it’s a pain to drive in (oh don’t I know that!) but it is beautiful. Nature its purest form in my opinion. 

On that note I leave you with this:
Crisp and cool –

Drifting past my window. 

A silent storm,

a wonderful sight. 

Here it washes the stains away

left by yesterday’s tears. 

May this snow remind us,

that we all are children inside. 

Happy New Year!

Oh my goodness has it been a while! But first holiday season with our youngster made it both more enjoyable and work! 

I’ve decided enough slacking, however, because it’s time to get back to work. I have a book to edit before getting it off to my ghost editor and then I have to query, query, query, until I get my agent landed and this book off my desk!

Of course, it feels like the North Pole out there so that means it’s the perfect time to get back to work 😉 

Stay tuned fellow readers and writers. This year will be a fun one to experience 🙂

  

Entangled we were;

two simple threads in a faux fur. 

If all we could see was gray

then why didn’t we find another way?
At best, what once was bliss

quickly became a game of hit and miss. 

Troubled nights

lead into days of fright. 
Shadows with our darkest desires

plagued us with a need of umpires. 

Unable to quench our thirst,

it was better to leave than to stay and burst. 
Our love was a poison,

a manipulative emotion. 

What’s done is in the past-

and we’re now free at last. 

© December 2015 by Amber L Hoppa

Born Hero

  
This little boy is my hero. Words alone cannot even begin to describe how proud I am of him for taking this recovery by the horns and continuing to smile each and every day even when he has some hard obstacles to overcome. He truly has his daddy’s strength and momma’s determination. 

This past Monday we traveled to Children’s for what we hope is the last esophageal dilatation he will need. At eight months he shouldn’t have to go 12+ hours without food but he did. He shouldn’t have to be put under and have a balloon shoved down his throat, but he did. Lastly he shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences and risks that come with every one of these procedures but he does. He does everything so well even though he’s too young to truly understand any of it. What’s even more amazing is that he still manages to smile and laugh, even when he wants nothing more than some freshly pumped milk. 

  
I’ll never know why my little guy was that 1 of 4000 babies born with TEF. It doesn’t even matter at this point. My baby is healthy and has climbed mountains that most adults wouldn’t be able to. He can finally start solids (with special instructions) and he can start to live a fairly normal life now. He just turned eight months and there are times I can’t believe it but on the other hand, I can’t believe he’s not one since 8 months ago already seems like a lifetime. 

Anyway enough momma talk–have a great weekend! 

Haunted Waters

Dipping below the horizon, the sun’s last rays sliced the ocean into pieces, as though each beam were its own laser. She gazed upon the waves in the distance, imagining the reef teaming with hungry predators looking for a meal. 

Temporarily distracted by the melody of crashing waves and sifting sand, the young widow approached the water’s edge with caution. How long had it been since she was last here? How long since she’d last felt the chilling Atlantic on her toes? 

Everything transformed at this hour; day into night, tranquility into chaos, beauty into despair and security into danger. Her flight was set to leave in the morning, the last of her things packed for the big move. It was agonizing to stay here, confined within the city they’d built their home. A home that was a prison without him. 

This place used to be her security; a place of true serenity among a city consumed by chaos. That was before the accident, before life as she knew it crumbled before her very eyes. 

It was a picture perfect scene from any old film. Blue skies, not a cloud in the sky. Among a dozen others, the young newlyweds took to the water following crazed hours at the office. This place wasn’t quite home, but the ocean view was helpful with the transition. 

But someone had decided to start happy hour early across town. One simple mistake. 

The collision only lasted a second, but that’s all it took. After a beautiful afternoon together, one life was cut short and the other hung in the balance. 

Tears fell as the memory of waking up in the hospital evaded her mind. The images of people filing in, offering condolences and hugs. She didn’t remember who’d told her of her husband’s fate, only that she’d been paralyzed with shock. She didn’t want to know the fate of the drunk, though they told her anyway. He was just fine. 

What once was a beacon of peace transformed into something ugly. Something poisoned by the aftermath of that perfect afternoon. But she was choosing to no longer be crippled by this city and its beachfront. Everything was packed, everything was ready. 

All she needed to do was let go. 

And let go she did. 

© by Amber L Hoppa, November 2015

I Will Be

When the world goes dark,

and you search blindly with fear –

I will be the light

that shows you the way. 
When the world goes still,

and the grief is too much – 

I will be the hug

that you need the most. 
When the world does nothing,

and the rage is overwhelming –

I will be the anchor

that holds you down. 
When the world fights back,

and you want to crumble –

I will be the glue

that’ll carry you through. 
When the world begins to cry,

and you desire to do the same – 

Just know,

I will be the sun and sky

always watching over you. 

Rosie

You came at a time I needed you most –

small and perfect, it was hard not to boast. 

Velvety brown fur with a patch of white –

understanding eyes and always a delight. 

My best friend, my sister, my baby – 
Nearly thirteen years we’ve been together,

with always the hope of more to weather. 

Though our time here may be limited –

our memories will forever be limitless. 
© by Amber L Hoppa, November 2015

Ps….nothing has happened to my beloved dog. We are just embracing the newest obstacle in her adult life 😊

Worldly Illusion

The world was once so accessible 

and now it’s all in disarray. 

Offensive, incorrect, and judgemental – 

a few tones to the infamous melody. 

What happened to respect?

What happened to common courtesy?

Are we all to be scrutinized for

the remaining time we have?

Must it all be a trigger to a larger dispute, 

or can we handle such like responsible adults?

All of us matter –

Can we agree on that? 

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