Speechless, so how about a poem?

Please don’t cry,

for I am with you always. 

The air around me is full of sighs;

the weight of a hundred broken hearts. 


My time here has come and gone,

much sooner than you and I had hoped. 

But don’t worry, I’m where I belong;

right beside you as I’ve always been. 


The people I’ve touched amazes me,

tears will be shed far and wide. 

Peace will come, I promise you this,

for now, you have me as your guide. 


I’m truly saddened by the shootings lighting up our news feed and I feel there is no right answer in addressing the problem. I’ve suffered from depression for as long as I can remember, in and out of therapy since elementary school. There were days I was tempted to commit suicide and to this day I am grateful I had my dog and family to pull me from the depths I felt there was no escape from. But never, had I even contemplated taking others down with me, whether they were part of the problem or random strangers on the street.

It’s unrealistic to hope that violence will be eliminated because that isn’t going to happen. But I do hope that for these individuals that are mentally ill find another way. That they learn that violence is not the way to grasp the attention they desire.

For now, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief for the families, friends, and colleagues of the victims in Virginia. This is yet another example of how precious life really is and how quickly it can be changed, for better or worse.


Life Lesson on Being a New Mom

As a new mom I’m figuring things out…like how to avoid being peed on and finding time to write because it’s one thing I need in my life to keep me sane. Well, as sane as I can get anyway 😉

I admit, when I was pregnant with our son, I jumped through hoops to make sure I knew everything and tried to plan just about anything you could possible fit into  schedule. That’s who I am…I need to plan because I need to be prepared. I won’t even disclose the amount of times I re packed his diaper bag before he was born because that number may or may not be slightly embarrassing.

Well, as you know, someone had a different idea for me and my son was born with a defeat that required surgery when he was only three days old.  And then, just as things were looking up, a collapsed lung due to a leak in his esophagus landed him back in the OR after the bedside and IR procedures failed. In a previous post I talked about the raw emotions practically destroying me mind, body, and soul. And it’s true, oh so very true.

But I also learned a valuable lesson. Don’t take health for granted. I had no reason to suspect my son’s condition. I did have excess fluid towards the end but we had nothing to worry about. I had planned newborn pictures and daily walks and whatnot. All of that went out the window. Not that those were important but having something like this happen really alters your perspective on life. I’m not the same person I was before my son.

And that’s not just due to the fact that I’m a new mom.

Motherhood Hiccup

With a future of uncertainty,

I somehow find the will to face my fears.

But who will wipe my worried tears?

I often found myself at odds with myself after my son’s medical condition became known shortly after his birth. The days I spent in the hospital alone with my husband were some of the longest. Though I hadn’t forgotten him, I continuously felt like I had lost him. Babies would cry just outside the closed door but none of those cries belonged to my son. His cries were heard a hundred miles away, where he, too, was alone. Without his parents, he depended on his medical team to keep him warm and safe while his future was as cloudy as a storm ridden sky.

I could go on forever about the twenty five days of my son’s stay in the NICU at Children’s Hospital of WI and how the emotions alone were enough to destroy me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I could go to say that the few close calls following his necessary surgeries were enough to make me relish his beautiful blue eyes and smile just that much more. But I’d be living in the past and I needed to stop putting the blame on myself for something that wasn’t the fault of anyone’s.

My son was born with a defect. That’s all there wasContinue reading “Motherhood Hiccup”

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